New beginnings are scary. Very scary.
It’s not a comfortable feeling to dive head-first into something without knowing what you’re going to be met with, what things are going to feel like, and if you’ll be okay. It hurts. Sometimes it makes you want to cry. Sometimes you wish there was someone you could just ask, someone who’s read the story that is your life, and ask them for just one spoiler. “Is this aspect of my life going to stay the same? Are me and so-and-so going to break up? Am I going to get what I want?” It would feel a little better, maybe, to just know. It would ease the anxiety and allow you to celebrate now if you need to, or maybe get all your tears out now if that’s what the spoiler makes you feel.
But we don’t know, and that’s the whole point. We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or in the next five minutes and usually it takes a while for us to realize that the reason why we don’t know is because it’s not real. The future is not real and neither is the past; they are figments of your imagination, and the only real thing we’ve ever had is now. It’s the only thing we will ever have. I know, that’s a hard pill to swallow; take a minute to think about it if you’d like.
I started school yesterday (9/8/16). I’m beginning my junior year of high school and freshman year of college at the same time. Taking college classes and high school classes simultaneously is new to me, and it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be easy. I’d like to think that I can handle it and everything else in my life, and that everything will be okay, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. Sometimes the possibility of everything crashing down and going completely wrong feels too tangible, too likely. Sometimes it feels too heavy to ignore. That’s when it gets hard to be present, because the present doesn’t have the answers that you want. The future does. But the future never answers the phone when you call and never opens the door when you knock; all it does is hand you an array of possibilities, and then its close friend anxiety handles the task of making some of those possibilities seem more daunting than they should be. Now you’re crying and afraid and you feel like giving up.
But you shouldn’t. Everything a new beginning brings to you is worth it. Every new chapter has an ending that’s good for you, an ending that you will like when it’s all said and done, and if it didn’t it wouldn’t have began in the first place. I tell myself every day that “the Universe is always working with you, never against you.” It’s true. You’re not going to experience something that would make your life hell (unless...bad karma?). It might feel like hell in the first few weeks, months, or even years, but after a while things will suddenly fall into place and you’ll look back and realize that what you wanted to happen wouldn’t have been the best thing for you. Hindsight is 20/20 and the flow knows what it’s doing. Go with it.
I’m going to re-read this letter when I need a reminder that this school year is going to end up exactly the way it needs to be and I’m going to be grateful for everything I experience. Everything is okay, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes things need to stir up before they settle. Instead of waiting until it settles to smile, smile now. Enjoy the present moment-not your present situation, as in things that are continuously happening, but the immediate present. Right now. Focus on the here and now, live in the here and now, and things will always make sense. I promise.
Enjoy our September issue and I wish you all the best. <3