I've experienced some kind of transformation every year since 2014.
Well, every year since I was born I've been growing, both mentally and physically, but since 2014 the Universe has been sending me through a series of peculiar events that teach me something about who I am and why I'm here and how I should interact with other human beings. Part of it is the natural trial-and-error experience of being a teenager, but there's also something spiritual about it. It's divine, the way that I continuously learn and grow and blossom like a flower. With every year, I've come closer and closer to what feels like my life purpose. It almost feels like everything that happens to me, everyone I meet and everywhere I go and every mistake I make, feels like a predetermined element of an elaborate plan that the Universe has for me. The end result of the plan is unknown, but that's the beauty of it. The beauty lies in the present. The beauty lies in living in the Now, despite how much the Now hurts sometimes, and not knowing what the future holds. There's something enchanting about wondering about the future, but there's a profound beauty about not thinking about it at all.
Anyway, back to 2016. Quite a year, wasn't it? Saying that "a lot of things happened," both in my personal life and in our collective realities, seems like an understatement. But it's true: I think I experienced more in 2016 than I have in any other year. More emotions, more tears, more laughs, more joy, more epiphanies, more self-discovery, more solitude. But it lacked things that I wished there was more of - there was less writing, less reading, less meditation, less self-control, less confidence. 2016 was a free-fall year for me. There were too many points where I felt like I was living perpetually in mid-air, in a dark room, unable to see where I was or when I would come down (or who would come save me). Sometimes that felt good. Exciting. Exhilarating. Other times it felt heart-wrenching. Sometimes it felt like a pain I'd never wish on my worst enemy.
Still, both sides of the duality helped me to feel. 2016 made me feel things, whether "good" or "bad," more intensely than I ever had. I came alive, even when I wanted to die. 2016 was a year that I expected to be filled with success and prosperity and a girl's dreams coming true, and some of those dreams did come true (falling in love, getting an article published on MTV and Affinity Magazine, connecting with people I look up to, etc.) but a lot of them didn't. For a while I was disappointed by that, even against my better judgment. I know that life happens as it should and the Universe is always working with me and never against me, but still, when things don't go as planned it's easy to get discouraged. But toward the end of last year I overcame that feeling when I realized that 2016 had a purpose, just like I have a purpose. I wasn't ready yet. I went through 2015 with a spiritual awakening, a new level of consciousness and vibrating at a higher frequency. I expected to use my new state of being in 2016 to manifest my every desire and become the person I've always wanted to be, the person I already am. But that didn't exactly happen. And I'm glad it didn't.
There were a couple things that had to happen first. There were a couple joyful moments, a couple low moments, a few discoveries and a few heartbreaks and a few spins around what felt like a fast-paced washing machine of a year, before I could bloom into the lotus flower I expected to be. I had to learn. Learning about myself spiritually was one thing, but learning about myself in so many aspects that I can't even name was an entirely different (and necessary) experience. Sometimes when I think about 2016, I cry. A lot of things happened. It still hurts.
But it's good. I wouldn't want it any other way. By the time this gets posted it'll be my 16th birthday and I'll be sitting in bed pondering on my life thus far as I do every year, and I'll realize that 2016 was an integral part of my journey. It was an integral part of the world's journey. We needed 2016. The harmony that we desire could not have happened if the dirt, the junk, the dis-harmony, didn't expose itself. It had to rise to the surface so that we could sweep it away and move on. And that's what we're doing, what I'm doing, in 2017. It couldn't be any other way.
The Universe is always working with you, never against you. I read that from a Crystal Mec interview last year or the year before. She was quoting Willow Smith. Now I'm quoting both of them. The idea is fundamental, divine, no matter whose mouth it came from. Willow saying it may as well mean that I said it, because I'm connected to her just like I'm connected to you. And that's what I'm learning: I am not separate. I am experiencing this life in absolute oneness with everything else in existence. That's one thing that 2016 taught me: I'm not the only one hurting. I will be okay, and so will you.